Touch Screen Macs? Sacrilege!

#Humor #Technology #Apple

Or so some seem to think


DALL-E 2 image by author

Apparently it is acceptable to prod and poke the screens of tablets and phones, or anything running Microsoft Windows, but you must never, ever put your grimy fingers upon the pristine screen of a Mac.

I couldn’t understand what the problem is. Do Macs bite or deploy electric shocks to defend their honor? Do they harbor viruses? Or perhaps they are simply too sensitive, too emotionally fragile, to bear the touch of human hands?

Whatever the cause, there are large numbers of people ready to defend the touchless state of affairs that has seemed inviolable ever since Steve Jobs proclaimed “We’ve done tons of user testing on this, and it turns out it doesn’t work. Touch surfaces don’t want to be vertical.”

Note: Steve had no comment when I and others bought Bluetooth keyboards for our OG iPads.

Well, I guess if Steve didn’t like it, that’s how it must be. I promise not to mention that Steve also saw no use for a mouse on the OG Macs. Oops, sorry.

Some of those naysayers point out that one’s arm would become excessively tired from reaching up to touch the screen of a Mac.

Nonsense, I say. I offer evidence from my own use of a keyboard for my iPad. Look at the shoulder muscle I have developed!

Photo by author of me with a shoulder pad

All Microsoft Windows with touch screen PC’s and Surface owners have similar bulging shoulder muscles, at least on one side. Or so I am told. Personally, I only associate with Apple folk.

The never-touch-it Apple folks also point out that MacBook hinges do not lie flat, which would make your touchscreen Mac unsuitable for drawing. It is, of course, an engineering impossibility to make a hinge that would lie flat and, even if that were not true, drawing is the one and only use for a touchscreen Mac.

Not only that, but you have to clean touchscreens!

I myself spend several minutes cleaning iPads and iPhones for myself and my wife every day. As a Mac is a much more powerful device, I can only assume cleaning it would add untold hours of work to my morning.

But it seems Apple is hell-bent on shoving this monstrous chimera down our throats! And as many fans have howled, this will add expense for something they will never use, not ever, not in a million years, pinky-swear on their Apple Fan Boy lives!

Apple Fan Girls may have made similar assertions. The author forgot to collect demographics.

And that’s backed by evidence. Many admit to having used Windows touchscreen computers and never reaching for the screen. Never!

Personally, I’m in favor of this change. My ideal MacBook would be able to run any and all iPad apps, could use an Apple Pencil, and would use a touchscreen keyboard as well.

But that’s me. What do I know? Nothing.

No Apple Macs were inappropriately touched while making this post.


Popular posts from this blog

I Owe an Apology to Anyone Using Voice Over

Apple Has Fixed More of My Gripes and One of Them is Really Funny

A Telegram From Mark Twain to My Great-Grandfather