My Bladder is Over 75 Years Old and Doesn’t Like To Travel Anymore


My Bladder is Over 75 Years Old and Doesn’t Like To Travel Anymore

Either do I

Photo by Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash

I’m happy the damn thing still works. I can understand a lack of patience after so many years of putting up with me having supposedly more important things to do than to relieve its burden. I’m not working anymore, so there really shouldn’t be many circumstances that truly are more urgent than its demands. I agree and make every effort to comply quickly.

I traveled a lot for work most of my life. Now that I’m retired, I never want to stay at another hotel, never want to fly, never want to have to eat over salted, fat laden food at a restaurant, never want to be in rush hour traffic, and have no desire to drive for more than an hour for any reason. My bladder is with me on all of that. No arguments whatsoever.

I would like to be able to sleep more than four to five hours without being dragged to the bathroom, but I am willing to bow to its need, or at least stand up and shuffle with half closed eyes to the toilet. That’s a fairly minor sacrifice after all these years of impeccable service.

What I would like to negotiate is actually being done when it says it is done. Even with bleary eyes, I’m not impatient; I will wait for the business literally at hand to be completed before I stumble back to bed. But after completing my part of this work, I feel that I should not be signaled ten minutes later that no, there is more yet to do. The agreement we came to says that I will get up, I will not grumble, I will let things flow, and then I will return to bed for at least a few more hours of sleep. I fully understand that my bladder may also be sleepy, but is it so hard to leave a valve open until nothing more needs to come? I would think not.

So, we really need to work on that. I don’t think our last few years together should be filled with accusations and recriminations. I’m talking to you, old friend. I know you don’t do that often, and I know that I sometimes drink water too close to bed, but let’s see what we can do. I’ll be taking you to see a urologist next week, by the way. He’ll want a fresh sample of your output, so you will need to wait while we drive there.

We both have our faults, don’t we? Let’s work together like we used to.

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